Parents were once seldom questioned about how they punished children. Old English Common Law regarded children simply as property. The horrible abuse of an eight-year-old orphan named Mary Ellen Wilson led attorneys in New York to turn to statutes providing humane treatment for animals, arguing that children should be afforded protection at least equivalent to existing SPCA regulations.
Avoid Corporal Punishment
One of the most notable “adjustments” to the discipline of children has been the diminution of corporal punishment, specifically spanking. Today The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the avoidance of corporal punishment. Still, corrective behavior typically incorporates some kind of physical or emotional pain. There is often no thought given to the aberrant behavior as being symptomatic of anything other than "badness," and children who trespass are similarly "bad."
Adults who were brought up during the dark ages of discipline often repeat the punishment meted out by their parents like soldiers tell war stories. There seems to be a sort of twisted pride in having survived. Worse, those early experiences form the nucleus of disciplinary methods employed by those children who became parents. “It worked for me. I turned out alright,” is often the justification used for harsh punishment. But the stress, fear, and pain of punishment for parent and child can be avoided.
Discipline Allows Parents to Teach Proper Behavior
Punishment is not widely recommended as a means of fostering correct behavior in children. Techniques emphasizing discipline are preferred because they are designed to teach children to select appropriate behaviors based on what they have learned about values and good choices. Punishment teaches little, but may validate the use of violence toward others and cause negative feelings like resentment and anger.
If children are loved and respected disciplinary methods can be improved. The first step in effective management of children is to know what to expect at different age levels. Spanking is irresponsibly personal and non-specific regarding age. Children don't suddenly become responsible, but develop responsibility as a result of a complex process. Caring discipline may often feel unpleasant to children, but enhances an understanding of consequences.
If a parent thinks instinctively and immediately of administering punishment the cause or meaning of the behavior may be ignored. There is no doubt that enough punishment will change behavior, but it does not guarantee that the child has learned much. Punishment might only encourage a child to find ways to be cleverer in concealing improper behavior to avoid the punitive result.
Lying and stealing are not unusual or “abnormal” for children in early elementary school. This is not to say that these behaviors should be ignored, just that parents need not panic if their child walks off with a classmate’s pencil box. The first question parents ask an offending child is "Why?" But very young children may be unable to explain the action, while elementary school children may do so poorly. Children may be intentionally evasive in an attempt to avoid punishment. Nevertheless, parents can begin to guide them through the process of communicating the event so that their little ones begin to develop skills and also feel more comfortable about being honest.
A Discipline Plan to Manage Improper Behavior in Children
Too often, parents give little thought in advance to management of improper behavior. One technique that can reduce frustration in parents and children is the use of a discipline plan. Such plans can be http://www.suite101.com/learn/elements_of_an_article#subheader_7
amended as children grow, and children can offer input. Here are a few basic considerations for a plan of action.
- Be informed about child behavior at different stages of development. Try to understand emotional development and why children behave as they do.
- Develop a discipline plan before having children. Parents should base the plan on what they know about child psychology and what experts recommend.
- Correct inappropriate behavior, but do so calmly. Encourage discussion with the child.
- As a child develops communication skills have planned discussions about behavior. Draw from examples in stories or from real life incidents. Ask questions that require the child to make decisions about values.
- Don’t take misbehavior personally.
- When misbehavior occurs apply a consequence that fits a previously developed plan, and do it as soon as possible. Delaying discipline is bad policy.
- The punishment (consequence)s hould fit the crime. If the child loses a friend's toy, you might require that he replace to toy. If he has no piggy bank for resources, he can perform chores around the house to earn money.
- Don’t threaten. Parents should say what they mean and mean what they say. Children quickly learn to identify threats and how to ignore them. Threatening will kill the best plan.
Children are people too. They thrive on the right kinds of attention and develop healthy emotions through healthy, non-threatening relationship with important adults in their lives. Parents don't have to be mean-spirited; they need to know why they do what they do. They must be sure to act in the best interest of the child. Parental actions should encourage mutual communication and emotional growth without fear.
Harvey Craft - I am a retired educator with diverse experience. I read anything science, education, and history. I write to share what I learn.
Join the Conversation